For many couples, marriage is and always has been a stepping stone to having kids of their own. It’s so important in fact that many people need to know outright whether or not their partner is planning on having kids before finally tying the knot. But why is having children so important for those people in the first place?
I think first and foremost, it means creating a legacy that will live on after you leave this world. Although some people do not feel this way, many people want to have kids to call their own, to keep their genes alive so to speak. In their minds, dying without leaving any offspring can be a tough pill to swallow.
In addition, people often want kids because of the huge reflection their children would have on themselves as parents. If your child does well in school or goes on to do great things with his or her life, it means that you’ve done a good job as a parent. And who wouldn’t want to feel as though they’ve done a great job at just about the hardest task in life?
In terms of the relationship between the mother and the father, having a child can also help foster a stronger and deeper connection between the two parents. By having a child that is related to both of you, and having to care for it together, a couple can really bond emotionally over said child.
In fact, if I had to guess, this is probably the biggest reason that many couples want to have children, if not when the relationship or marriage starts, then definitely when the relationship or marriage is at least a few years in. The latter case in particular is a textbook definition of having a child in order to “save your marriage”. And although that is not an ideal situation to be in, it is definitely a prevalent option when your marriage starts to go south for whatever reason. And in my opinion, as long as your marriage is worth saving despite the troubles that you and your partner are currently going through, having a child to save your marriage is perfectly acceptable.
So now that you know the main reasons why someone would want to have kids, the question then becomes whether you as a couple even agree to having kids in the first place. Because as much as you or your partner may want to have kids, unless the other person agrees to it, it (most likely) won’t happen. That’s just how biology works.
If you both want kids, then obviously that is the perfect scenario, as is the case in which both of you do not want kids (which is perfectly normal and acceptable).
However, if there is a disagreement between the two of you, there needs to be plenty of open dialogue not just on your own differing opinions on the prospect of having kids, but perhaps more importantly, whether either of you would be willing to sacrifice for the other person to make the relationship work. Deciding on whether or not to have kids is a big part of marriage in general, so if you are in such a dilemma, do not take it lightly. The future of your relationship is at stake.